Embarrassing travel stories

Travel is not always glamorous, more often that not it isn’t glamorous at all. On top of that being naturally prone to embarrassment doesn’t help. I hope these stories are entertaining to you at least because this hurt to write. 

Bucerías México 2019 

I briefly touched on this one in Bucerias blog post but I’m going further in depth now. From the moment i landed in Mexico my friends who had been staying on the beach for the week prior told me i absolutely had to get a beach massage. It was top priority. Noting that i actually have never had a full body massage, i thought wow why not? What could go wrong? So on a sunny day i wandered down to the massage tents and picked my girl, a gorgeous Mexican girl named Lulu. LuLu instructed me to get pretty much naked with a towel covering my bottom half, so i did. Attempting to hide the goods on a crowded beach i laid face down on the table and dosed off while she punched my back with her tiny fists. When she was done with the back she instructed me to turn over. Any normal person in that moment would have registered that they are naked and in public and to be careful while turning, i did not. I quickly turned my body around and sat up on the table with blind confidence and it wasn’t until my eyes adjusted to the blazing sun that i realized a small family was walking right by me with my boobs in full view. I have never grabbed a towel so fast in my life. The rest of the massage was less relaxing. 

Tel Aviv Israel 2017

This is less embarrassing and more ignorant. On a gorgeous summer day in my favorite city I was awoken by someone pounding on my door at 10am with the full force of a battering ram. Jumping out of bed disoriented i threw on clothes and stumbled to the living room. As i was about to answer the door my mind registered that i shouldnt be having any visitors at this hour, any of my friends would have called beforehand and i didnt have anything else set up that day. In my groggy state i went into a mind racing panic, every illogical thought went through my head. police? A stalker? I was pretty positive i was going to murdered. The knocking went on for 15 more minutes as i hid under my duvet. Later that day i told my friends all about the scary knocking and asked if anything had been happening in the city but they had no idea. The next morning the knocking was back accompanied by yelling in Hebrew. I finally got the courage up to answer the door and figured if it’s my time then it’s my time. Well, All i can say about my neighbor was that although he is an elderly man he knocks like a machine gun going off. My apartment owners package had ended up at his door and we was just informing me. I was too embarrassed to tell anyone about this until now. I am the epitome of a drama queen. 

London 2018 

I am not what one would call graceful. If there is a flight of stairs in my life it’s inevitable that i will go flying down them head first at some point. Well that’s exactly what i did at my former apartment in London roughly two weeks after moving in. Right in front of my neighbors i had just met for the first time 10 minutes prior. I actually rug burned myself so bad that the skin on my leg was numb for a few months. I had to meet up with someone that evening as well and i was already late so i trudged through Notting hill with a trail of blood and shame following me. 

In the same week i had come home late at night from a very long and stressful day of work and my key wouldn’t open my apartment door. I tried for at least 15 minutes until i felt so defeated that i just sat down in front of the door and put my face in my hands. That was when the door opened behind me. Keys work better when you use them on the right door. My neighbors hate me and i cant blame them at all. 

Los Angeles 2017 

To make an embarrassing story short, i got the opportunity to attend a charity gala in Beverly Hills. A gorgeous venue, evening gowns, tuxedos and a staircase that was just waiting for me to go tumbling down it, so i did. Right in front of at least 20 people. Those bruises stuck around for an extra week just to add insult. 

Somewhere in the Midwestern united states 2016 

If you’re weak stomached when it comes to blood i would skip this one. This occurred on a concert tour i was on when i was working in management. We were stopped for gas and food in an area that was crowded with fast food joints and truck stops. The second i got off the bus i could smell the Panda Express orange chicken and made a bee line towards it. The restaurant was decently busy so i ordered and sat down at one of the only open tables. I was minding my own business getting down on some fried rice when i felt the sharpest pain I’ve ever experienced. I had bit my tongue so hard that i had actually taken a small chunk off. Blood was pouring out of my mouth like a ketchup bottle being ran over by a tanker truck. The stains never came out of that shirt and I’m pretty sure i mentally scarred everyone in that restaurant. 

An almost identical scenario happened a year later in Los Angeles in a Mongolian restaurant. 

London 2018 

Alright i saved the best for last. This is a story i never wanted to tell but I’m hungry for that blog traffic so I’m willing to embarrass myself for it. My apartment in London was pretty much all windows with another apartment building across from it. However, i never felt my privacy was invaded because it was a story higher than the one in front so it was unlikely you could see into my living room unless you were standing on the roof of the other building. I had a morning ritual, every day i would walk upstairs and make some coffee while i played music and got my day started. This particular morning i woke up in a great mood, hopping out of bed i bounced upstairs in my underwear without a care in the world. I put on my favorite song and danced around the living room while drinking my coffee. The thing is that I’m not one to shy away from a dance battle where the only opponent is myself. I was all arms flailing, jumping up and down and spinning. If the music wasn’t so loud i might have heard the laughing sooner. 4 construction workers were standing on the roof of the adjacent building while i was flailing around my apartment in my underwear like the Tasmanian devil at a Rave.